I make no promises of keeping this going but was reminded this past week by my father that this is a great venue for catharsis and exploration of feelings.
There certainly has been enough going on in my life to keep a healthy blog going but I have chosen other sources for my "penned" thoughts, namely a journal. But this way I keep family in the loop where I would otherwise fail in such an endeavor.
The bigger events that have transpired over the past year and then-some. . . I think back to last October 17 when I was in a car wreck. A very surreal experience and quite honestly a wake up call to my own mortality. Before the body-jarring experience of riding in a car as it is propelled from its intended path of travel I really felt that I somewhat immune to the frailties of the mortal body. I'm not saying I believed I was immortal but rather there was an absence of internalized belief that any great harm would ever befall me. The experience was quite shocking. I remember looking up into the illuminated cabin of the car with and seeing the vapor from the deployed airbags coiling about the space. It was quite. I was aware that I needed to get out of the car but something was wrong. The pain crept over me slowly at first, but nothing sharp or intense. Not initially. It was the ache and discomfort of a paralyzed diaphragm.I couldn't breathe. I felt like a vice had been placed way too tight around my rib cage and there wasn't a release. I did a quick mental check as to how I was doing mentally and had to force the panic down. I could move my head with relative ease, I wasn't bleeding and was able to move my arms and legs. The airbags and seat-belt worked as designed.
I don't remember unbuckling my seat-belt or opening my door but I remember forcing myself to calm down and stepping out of the car. Once in the semi-standing position I was able to start filling my lungs with more air and to start breathing normal again. Witnesses were coming over to assist passengers of the vehicles. I sat down on a sidewalk and looked back at my car. My first conscious thought since leaving the car was, "I'm not going to be able to get the groceries" for which was the sole purpose of leaving the house at 10:30 on a Saturday evening.
The rest of the night was a new experience in the health care field, from the side of a patient. I rode in an ambulance after the paramedic saw my positive seat-belt sign and assessed my discomfort after the adrenaline started wearing off. I received an IV, for which I was proud of myself for not losing it altogether. I haven't been able to donate blood because my body tends to go into a self preservation state of being and I was concerned I would do the same with the IV. I had an EKG and CT scan and some medication. I was discharged four hours after arrival. It was quite an experience with much more to it but that is what I will leave it at for now.
I have started school in a DNP program through Saint Mary's College. I am educating myself out of a job with my current hospital and the program is setting up the cohort to be business leaders. I may end up with my own clinic if I can't find anything else to do with the degree. I have never seen myself as a businessman and haven't ever really desired to have my own office but rather to work with and along side others. I love the emergency room. I realized early on in my health career that I wanted to work in the ED and I found employment in one of the best emergency rooms in the region after graduating with my BSN. Now I work in a smaller community ED. We stay very busy with high acuity patients in a more affluent community that has a ridiculously high concentration of nursing homes around the hospital.
I had a very rewarding experience this past week in the Emergency Room. An elderly gentleman presented to the ER with his wife at his side. He walked in complaining of abdominal discomfort, similar to past episodes but noted to be different in location for the previous ten hours. He had a history of bleeding ulcers and had part of his stomach removed some forty years earlier. Vitals were assessed and an IV started and blood specimen drawn. Most gastric work ups in the ED are about four hours depending on scans and test results. The patient had had some nausea but denied any shortness of breath, dizziness, headaches, chest pain, or abnormal bowel movements. All good things to evaluate in such a situation.
As I was leaving the treatment room to send off the blood specimen I had the distinct impression to ask the doctor to order an EKG. We have some doctors that overwork the vast majority of patients and it drives the nurses crazy so I wanted to be tactful in my request for additional tests at that time. Considering the patient's age and symptoms however it wasn't a hard sell. An EKG was ordered and the patient was transferred out for a higher level of care within an hour for a STEMI. That is he was having a heart attack. I imagine an EKG would have been ordered at some point but I am grateful for the impression that came to me to get one sooner rather than later.
Jessica is getting ready to deliver our third child, a daughter this time around. The original due date placed the family growth on April 3rd but recently the doctor has determined it would be best and "safest" to induce earlier. I'm not convinced that an induction is the best route but I am certainly no specialist. My medical training tends to be more on the natural side of medicine. Jessica is ready to not be pregnant but doesn't feel ready to have another child in the home. We have outgrown our home but have decided to stay put until I finish with my schooling. It looks like we are going to get a little cozier. I think about my upbringing. Twelve people living under one roof in a home smaller than what I live in now. And we turned out alright. For the most part. I still struggle with claustrophobia. But we are staying put for now.
We need to stay put as the ward is hemorrhaging members. Its a transient ward but not many move-ins. The move outs are crippling our ability to fill callings. Many members have two sometimes three callings. What we lack in numbers we make up for in spirit. We are a close knit group. I am grateful for the ward and the opportunity to meet and work with so many wonderful people.
William and Weston continue to grow and learn about their environment and how to deal with life. Its hard to watch and at the same time a lot of fun to watch. Weston is always very active and can entertain himself. He has been signed up for baseball and shows a lot of natural athleticism. William is more cerebral and reminds me of my younger brother when it comes to books. William is selective in what he reads however. He reads at a blistering pace when he is interested. He argues with everything and seems to always be trying to prove a point. He'll argue about the color of the sky if it serves his purpose and seems to always need to "have the last say." Crazy but I see a lot of myself in his attitude. He is learning Spanish in school and the piano in his spare time. He recently received his Wolf badge and will be advancing to the Bear den soon in scouts.
The boys keep us busy and rightly so. We are family and its been a great reward to watch the learn and grow. I have learned a lot about myself by watching them. I am grateful for this family of mine and life here in Texas. Though I wish I could be closer, physically, to my side of the family as we are to Jessica's family, I really count myself blessed to be where I am at this stage in my life. There is much to be grateful for.
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